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  • 2010 December 20
    From the daily archives: Monday, December 20, 2010

    Today, so tired, weary to the bone, satisfied.

    I have been at the hospital today. So easy to forget that hospitals are full at this time of year, just like other times. Actually, more. This long, cold, dark season is the time when people die, more than the other 8 months combined. People eat and drink too much. People who are very ill hold on for one more Christmas. People who are lonely feel the loneliness more deeply.

    Today, my mind is filled with images. Images of a beautiful young woman on bed rest so she can keep her baby inside, where it is safe and warm, for as long as possible. A boy and his dad, looking at the train. The boy is about five, and he is bald. He is unconcerned.

    Another boy, dying. I could give him 45 minutes of peace, and that was all I could do. He has beautiful eyes. My heart breaks for his mother. He is not yet a man, but close. Likely the peach fuzz on his face will miss becoming a beard.

    My daughter wants everything right now. Her cell phone is malfunctioning. It is a crisis. We must go to Verizon now. The world is coming to an end.

    No, it is not, the leaves are such a beautiful color, we are all warm inside our house, no one is ill, I got to talk to my mom today, all is well, must we have drama!

    I am such a crankmonster….

    Today I pray for patience. I pray that I can remember to appreciate that small everyday suffering needs my care and concern as much as the devastating stuff. I pray for the small reminders that come from a benevolent higher power, reminders that life is sweet, and beautiful even when it is hard.

    What do I know of the story of the dying boy? His story is between him and God, and for all I know it is sweeter than I could imagine. My own story of suffering makes perfect sense to me. Perhaps his makes sense to him.

    Today I pray for reminders to enjoy the light that is always visible when the days are cold and dark. I pray that I may not be numb to the need that surrounds me during this season of festivity and celebration.

    Today I offer a prayer of gratitude to life, to love, to community, to having all that I really need. I pray for the ill, the weary, the poor, the hospitalized, the lonely. I pray for the caregivers, who must pace themselves carefully and not become bone weary.

    I pray for my rambling, weary pondering self to get it together and make dinner!

    Ah, the sweet challenges of life, what a blessing is each one.

     

    What a long, delicious day.

    I am now recovering from 5 hours of shopping with my girl, so grateful for this special time with her. We ran into friends while we were out, and there was plenty of squeals and hugs. Later, we ran into Felicia’s preschool teacher. She was flabbergasted! Felicia was taller than she was.

    The years fly by, so rich, so sweet. My fellow bloggers are posting about traditions, cherished time with family.

    So many women in different stages of treatment and survival. Stage IV NED, Stage III and IV in treatment, stage IV in remission, Stage IV and fighting, NED post treatment, mothers, grandmothers, daughters. My friend Floyd, after a recent heart attack, conversing with me about what a blessing life is.

    Yes. Every minute, every day.

    Yes, the economy sucks, I can’t spoil my children as I would like, but we are ok. I chatted with my girl about exercising and eating her vegetables. It’s light and warm at home and my husband and son are amiably crashing cars in cyberspace. Life is good.

    A few of my friends are taking a “chemo break” so they can feel good over the holidays. I wish them all the sweetness and love they can hold.

    During this dark of the year, let us enjoy the light in the darkness, the love that always sustains.

     
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