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  • 2012 March 11
    From the daily archives: Sunday, March 11, 2012

    The C word…

    Cancer, or cure? I have passed the five year mark, and my oncologist told me two years ago when she became my doc that she thought I was cured. “and, we’re keeping a close eye on you” she said.

    Technically, there is no cure for breast cancer and what I am is NED. I am in a remission that I hope will give me a lifetime, a normal lifetime if there is such a thing. I have already had the equivalent of the lifetimes of my friends Susan and Rachel. They didn’t make it to 40, but they did so much with their lives. To my new way of thinking, what I could have before me is a second lifetime.

    I am 50 years old, and I could live another 40-50 years if I am blessed and take care of this gift I have, my healthy, cancer-free body.

    There. I said it. Cancer-free. Have I jinxed myself? Do I dare say that what I write about is life after Inflammatory Breast Cancer?

    Do I believe in a kindly or cruel universe? Many ancient cultures believed that if you were too fortunate the gods would be jealous and put you in your place. I think I believe in a kindly Source who has held my hand all this time and has plans for me.

    Love or fear, which will it be?

    Today my life is richer than it ever has been. I live a designed life, that is becoming more and more the canvas that I paint on. I have the experience of facing cancer to thank for that, but truly cancer sucks. It does. I wouldn’t wish is on anyone.

    I don’t really get it. I’ll just continue painting.

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