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  • 2012 April 09
    From the daily archives: Monday, April 9, 2012

    I’ve been pondering the meaning of Right Livelihood, because I have been gleefully absorbed in it.

    I come home from a day’s work wiped out, but satisfied. I had the thought recently that if I were to suddenly have a windfall I wouldn’t really change much. I’d probably take more vacations and spoil my children a little more. I wouldn’t mind owning my home instead of renting it. I’d do a few more musicals. But when it comes to what I do every day? I wouldn’t change a thing.

    I have added more time at the hospital, now working on another campus providing massage to children who are receiving chemotherapy. I adore these kids. The job is a dream. All the kids are in close proximity to each other so I don’t have to wander far and wide to see them.

    I love my own lil’ stinkers, who put gray hair on my head and drive me nuts. My son calls me “Your Motherness” and asks, “can I help you?” when I appear dismayed, usually because he is blowing off his homework or his room should be condemned.

    My daughter has a new title for me, and it’s usually loud.

    “Madration!”

    Usually my taxi services are required. Currently my dear husband is taking on some of that, since he and Miss Peach are doing a musical together. I being part of the fun but I have made use of the quiet weekends. Maybe the next one.

    When I get in my groove at home writing or doing something else, I don’t usually feel enthused about interrupting to go teach drama to the kids at the local elementary school, but when I get there they swarm me. Then they make me laugh. What could be better?

    What I do isn’t everybody’s thing, but it’s mine. I spend my days making a difference for children, and some grownups too. My private massage practice is growing and it is joy to be cause for someone having their brain work properly because they are free of pain pills.

    Some days break my heart. Seeing a child deteriorate over a period of months is painful. Being able to ease his pain is unspeakably sweet.

    Other times I can only laugh. The best compliment I have ever received was from a 16 year old kid at the hospital, there because of a freak accident. When I gave him the feedback form to fill out, he handed it to his mom and said,

    “She has the most RIGHTEOUSLY exTRAVAGANT hands EVER!”

    I do a lot of energy work in the pediatric unit. I was thrown for a loop on Thursday when a thoughtful young rascal receiving chemotherapy said to me,

    “All the nurses have cold hands. Why are yours hot?” I told him that my hands knew that they were touching people so they knew they were supposed to get warm. I told him that when I’ve been at the computer they get cold. This is actually true.

    There’s an awful lot of pressure in this world to be obsessed with discontent. There’s always something more to want. Our whole culture is built around wanting more, and look what a mess we’re in! Not only does the economy stink, but so many of us are unhappy.

    James Taylor had the right idea. In one of his songs, he says:

    The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time.  Anyone can do it, there’s nothing to it!”

    A grand concept in a simple little package.

    What am I enjoying right now?  An achy 50 year old body that worked hard today and drove too far. My eyes are tired from dealing with contact lenses, which my twelve year old daughter has mastered effortlessly.  I’d love to go to bed but I’d better stretch first or I’ll wake up tied in knots.

    I’m entering into a period of milestones.  The five year anniversary of my diagnosis.  In June, the five year anniversary of my last major chemotherapy and the beginning of the return of hair.  In October, five years from my last radiation treatment.  Next May, the five year anniversary of my last Herceptin infusion.

    Right now I’m creaky, tired, sometimes grumpy, often amused, beleaguered by teenagers and tearing my hair out while celebrating how long it is, left arm a little heavy but oh well, wishing my son would do his homework…..etc……

    and I’m still here and enjoying the hell out of the ride.

     

     

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