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    The new year is upon us, and I feel that I hardly skipped a beat. Where did all that downtime go? What downtime?

    Kids are back in school, and once again I am trying to decide what to do first each and every day. Always several too many choices. This is the downside of a “composite career”. Or, as Jean says, “a beautiful patchwork quilt”. This is my work and home life, patched together out of the things I find most meaningful.

    I had kind of a down day today, because I am frustrated by the remnants of chemo-brain that still make it hard to juggle the many interests that I do. I like things like this. This is my dream life, really. Some work at the hospital, some theater, some massage therapy, doing my mom thing, blogging, advocating, learning, researching, attending to my own evolution. It’s satisfying, it’s interesting and well….

    It’s complicated! Too many details to keep track of, too many things to forget. My smartphone was stolen recently, and my whole house of cards fell apart! I had hailed my droid as the solution to my organizational woes, and it is, as long as I don’t lose it!

    I got an email from my supervisor at the hospital about some details I didn’t get right, and I felt crushed. I had far more of a reaction than I would consider appropriate for a couple of wrong stickers and a missing form. I think I just had a “poor me” moment. Chemo brain, dammit. Then it was a “you loser” moment, from ‘way, way back. Truly, I know better than that.

    Dropping a ball or two, or forgetting to cross a “t” is only an issue if I do the same ones again. Part of coping with chemo brain is learning how to back things up so I don’t have to rely on my memory. So I guess some new checklists are in order, and a back up system for my smartphone. I resent having to adjust to having “a brain like a sieve” to quote my kids. I used to have a memory that never failed. I used to have a strong left arm too, but oh well. I’m still here, and I guess I get to gripe once in awhile. Griping is cathartic if I don’t make a habit of it.

    whine…….

    Going to take my cranky self to bed now, and pray for my friends who have worse things to complain about.

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    As I am settling into the blogsphere, I am being initiated into unfamiliar territory, the slimy underbelly of comment spam.

    These spammers are so crafty!  They have their canned complimentary comments that they inundate me with, hoping that I will post their comments along with links to their sites.  The clue I get that they are spam are the following:

    They are highly complimentary without being specific at all.  “I could not have found the information you have provided anywhere else”  or “I really love your blog and am now suscribed, keep up the good work!”  Ah, the proud blogger is pleased until noticing that these exact comments are coming in from multiple sites.

    They indicate a problem which it is imperative that I solve, by publishing their comment.  “Your feed does not seem to be working, is it your site or my computer?”  Answer:  I have subscribed to my own feed on all three browsers and I know they work, thanks so much!

    Another approach is to try to get me riled up.  “Can I place some of your post on my website if I link back to your site?”  No, duh, it’s copyrighted.

    Or, my favorite:   “I have submitted several comments which have not appeared here, is there something wrong with your spam filters?”  Dude, I am the spam filter!

    Why is this relevant you may ask?  Well, actually, pondering why I am so annoyed made me think of how spam gets into my life, and why I hate it.

    Spam can be annoying communications that require a response, which are a waste of precious time that is better used for other things.  Do you have any of this in your life?  I do, although a lot less than I used to.  Spammers use any method they can think up to get your attention, so you’ll buy something, do something for them, or provide a way for them to get what they want.  Do know any people like that?

    What this reminds me of is the importance of valuing my time and energy, whether anybody else does or not.  Of course the irony of this is that the more I value my time and energy, the more others will value it.  The spam filters work better as they identify what is spam.

    My personal spam filters:

    Guilt and shame indentifiers.  If guilt and shame are present in the communication, I’m not playing.

    Resisting snap decisions.  When someone wants me to do something and they want it right now, I insist on taking time before deciding, and I tune into whether I really want to do what I am being asked to do, and why.

    Willpower!  Just because I would like to spend hours noodling around on the internet doesn’t mean it is the best use of my time.

    Supportive people in my life.  These people remind me what healthy, mutually respectful relationships feel like.  I gauge other interactions by this positive experience.

    Caring for Me time.  The more rested, balanced and centered I am, the better the decisions I make about anything in my life.  I make time for real sustenance, not spam.

    Real food is good for you, spam will make you fat and lethargic!

    Real food is friends, creativity, meaningful work, walks on the beach, children (insert your real food here).  A steady diet of real food, with minimal spam, keeps me strong, healthy, and loving life.

    Just say no to spam!

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